Taming Your Inner-Critic

Throughout the first half of the semester, the Monday Motivators have focused on making time for academic writing. The vast majority of faculty I work with are held back by three very basic technical errors: 1) they don't have a daily writing routine, 2) they don't block out specific time in their calendar each day to write, and 3) even when they set aside time to write, they do everything BUT write during that time. Despite knowing daily writing leads to higher productivity, few new faculty actually do it because daily writing requires us to face and move through our "stuff." Over the next few weeks, I'm going to focus on several types of psychological blocks that can limit our productivity. And why not start with the most prevalent psychological block that paralyzes academics: perfectionism!

Academic Perfectionism

Perfectionism is pervasive in the academy and can manifest in a myriad of toxic ways. Most often, it just keeps us from writing (or finishing) because nothing is ever good enough. In it's most paralyzing form, we can't even get a word on paper because our inner-critic has already judged it as worthless before it can hit the page!

Perfectionism can emerge as a reaction to our fears: fear of humiliation, fear of criticism, fear that we will be discovered an impostor, and/or fear of harsh judgment. Unfortunately, the structure of the academy can be incredibly difficult for those with a perfectionist streak because whenever we publish or present our work, it's guaranteed to be vigorously criticized, judged, and critically engaged. In a healthy environment, this can be invigorating! But more often, colleagues exaggerate any minor error, pounce on the slightest flaw in logic, and make both personal and substantive attacks for the purpose of their own ego-aggrandizement. And if your work challenges dominant paradigms, methodologies, and/or existing structures of power and privilege, perfectionism can stem from feeling that your work has to be beyond reproach in order to endure the extra scrutiny such work routinely faces.

Negative Self-Talk and the Inner Critic
Last year, I was so paralyzed by my perfectionism that I stopped writing entirely. To kick-start myself, I paid $50.00 to join the Academic Ladder's Writing Club for one month. At the end of our writing time each day, we had to report what we had written AND describe our negative self-talk. Lots of people in my writing club left the latter question blank but my response took me five minutes to complete every day because I was deluged with negative self-talk! It was often vicious, self-critical, angry, judgmental, and down-right nasty! It was as if I had a hyper-active inner-critic on steroids! After two weeks, I started to imagine the embodiment of my negative self-talk and interestingly, my inner-critic was Professor Dolores Umbridge (Hogwart's High Inquisitor and temporary Headmistress). For me, it was a profound experience to become consciously aware of my inner-critic's non-stop negativity. Recording the content of it each day, and reflecting on the patterns in that content, made me realize why I dislike writing so much. Who would want to face Dolores Umbridge on a daily basis?!

Before I participated in the Writing Club, I was fully aware that I live in a world where my presence and ideas are routinely devalued, dismissed, and openly disrespected. But I always imagined that those voices were "out there" and had not penetrated my interior world. Yet every day of the Writing Club I became increasingly aware of how deeply I had internalized the negative messages around me. So much so, that I had been unconsciously reproducing them in my own mind and allowing them to successfully shut down my productivity.

Meeting your inner-critic and tracking her chatter allows you to interrogate those negative messages by asking: Are they true or are they false?, Where did they come from?, and What positive messages could replace them? Now that I recognize Dolores and her demeaning dialogue, I can tell her to take a hike whenever she shows up at my writing table. And more importantly, I can replace her negative messages with positive and nurturing ones that support my commitment to writing every day.


The Weekly Challenge
This week, I want to challenge you to do the following:

• Re-commit yourself to 30-60 minutes each day for your writing.
• Block that time out of your calendar during your Sunday Meeting.
  
• At the end of your writing time each day, record your progress, your negative self-talk, AND what you are proud of accomplishing that day.
• If it's helpful to you, visualize your inner-critic.
• At the end of the week, take a few minutes to look at the daily log of your negative self-talk to see what patterns exist.
• Patiently and lovingly ask yourself: what's up with that?
• Begin to imagine an alternative, loving and accepting dialogue to replace your negative self-talk (you may even want to create an inner-edifier to whisper pleasantries in your ear).
• If you still haven't written your semester writing goals, it's not too late.
• Consider joining the October Writing Challenge for support and accountability.

I hope that this week brings you the determination to write every day, the awareness to recognize your negative self-talk, and the strength to start a new and supportive inner dialogue!

Peace & Productivity,
Kerry Ann Rockquemore, PhD
Associate Professor of Sociology & African American Studies
University of Illinois at Chicago
KerryAnn@NewFacultySuccess.com

p.s. - I'll be attending the annual POD conference this week. For all of you POD-people out there, I look forward to connecting with you.